Just a heartfelt wish for a very happy Father’s Day to all fathers and everyone out there!
To the new and young ones:
Enjoy changing those nappies, and clothes pegs don’t help,
Always use a nappy over your shoulder when you burp them,
Never point them in your direction while changing a nappy or bouncing them,
You will eventually have a full nights sleep again, when your grandkids are 50+
You are the garbage disposal, enjoy those pre-chewed morsels you are so graciously and lovingly fed,
To properly disinfect a dummy just give it a good lick,
Enjoy them fully while they can’t talk back, they grow up so fast.
To those with toddlers:
They can scream for 5 minutes without taking a breath, I know, it’s amazing,
When it gets quiet, start worrying, seriously,
Add six inches to whatever storage height you think they can’t reach,
They can move at a much higher rate or speed than you could ever imagine,
They only need to hear certain words once to remember them, luckily teachers who phone understand as they are usually parents as well,
For the ones with teenagers:
Learn to WhattsApp, it’s easier than walking around to find them,
Yes, you are stupid and don’t know anything , they will realize the truth one day when they have kids,
A curfew is something that will be tested, and they cannot read a analog watch,
The music they listen to is specifically chosen to be the opposite of what you think they should be listening to,
For the ones with young adults:
Double your grocery budget, you bred them, you unfortunately have to feed them until they become self sufficient,
Even if they have a sort of income they never have a wallet when it comes to settling the bill, for anything,
The socks are what they would like to wear, so suck it up and wear them with pride,
You are now a sectional title owner of your own car, and it only runs on petrol if you fill it,
For those who have ones that have left the nest:
They will visit when hungry or broke, don’t worry,
You will become their Google for advice,
They will ask for advice and then go home and do as they wish,
You will not like all of their friends,
Your booze stash is their “Tops” at any time they are “in need”,
For those with grandkids:
Your kids chose the present as they liked it or thought it was funny, again, get back at them by actually using or wearing it.
Be sure to feed the little ones a lot of sugar, and a double Espresso, then send them home!
Allow your grandkids everything you would never have allowed your kids, ice cream for breakfast is a great idea,
Drum sets are great gifts for grandchildren to get back at your kids.
Tell them all those interesting stories of when their dad or mom was small, but don’t go to far, they may have an input into choosing the old age home you will end up in.
To those not as lucky as a lot of us by choice or circumstance or soon to be dad’s:
Please enjoy this day with all of us,
Think and remember the good times with your own dad’s,
Laugh out loud when something above rings a bell.
In all, happy Father’s Day to all, and above all, enjoy the day and enjoy life. Can’t wait to go and wake up my two Locusts now just to remind them of one of my favorite phrases,
“ I know where you sleep”
To the new and young ones:
Enjoy changing those nappies, and clothes pegs don’t help,
Always use a nappy over your shoulder when you burp them,
Never point them in your direction while changing a nappy or bouncing them,
You will eventually have a full nights sleep again, when your grandkids are 50+
You are the garbage disposal, enjoy those pre-chewed morsels you are so graciously and lovingly fed,
To properly disinfect a dummy just give it a good lick,
Enjoy them fully while they can’t talk back, they grow up so fast.
To those with toddlers:
They can scream for 5 minutes without taking a breath, I know, it’s amazing,
When it gets quiet, start worrying, seriously,
Add six inches to whatever storage height you think they can’t reach,
They can move at a much higher rate or speed than you could ever imagine,
They only need to hear certain words once to remember them, luckily teachers who phone understand as they are usually parents as well,
For the ones with teenagers:
Learn to WhattsApp, it’s easier than walking around to find them,
Yes, you are stupid and don’t know anything , they will realize the truth one day when they have kids,
A curfew is something that will be tested, and they cannot read a analog watch,
The music they listen to is specifically chosen to be the opposite of what you think they should be listening to,
For the ones with young adults:
Double your grocery budget, you bred them, you unfortunately have to feed them until they become self sufficient,
Even if they have a sort of income they never have a wallet when it comes to settling the bill, for anything,
The socks are what they would like to wear, so suck it up and wear them with pride,
You are now a sectional title owner of your own car, and it only runs on petrol if you fill it,
For those who have ones that have left the nest:
They will visit when hungry or broke, don’t worry,
You will become their Google for advice,
They will ask for advice and then go home and do as they wish,
You will not like all of their friends,
Your booze stash is their “Tops” at any time they are “in need”,
For those with grandkids:
Your kids chose the present as they liked it or thought it was funny, again, get back at them by actually using or wearing it.
Be sure to feed the little ones a lot of sugar, and a double Espresso, then send them home!
Allow your grandkids everything you would never have allowed your kids, ice cream for breakfast is a great idea,
Drum sets are great gifts for grandchildren to get back at your kids.
Tell them all those interesting stories of when their dad or mom was small, but don’t go to far, they may have an input into choosing the old age home you will end up in.
To those not as lucky as a lot of us by choice or circumstance or soon to be dad’s:
Please enjoy this day with all of us,
Think and remember the good times with your own dad’s,
Laugh out loud when something above rings a bell.
In all, happy Father’s Day to all, and above all, enjoy the day and enjoy life. Can’t wait to go and wake up my two Locusts now just to remind them of one of my favorite phrases,
“ I know where you sleep”
