#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

[Viper_SA]

"Thanks for ripping my heart out and putting through a bloody blender"
I guess I'm just not destined to have a ralationship

Might have overreacted, will keep you guys posted. New shrink reckons I confuse space with rejection.....

 

[RainstormZA]

Might have overreacted, will keep you guys posted. New shrink reckons I confuse space with rejection.....

There was a lady I used to ride horses with. I think I was about 14 or 15 when she told me this - you learn something new every day, regardless of how many times you've done it.

Use it as a learning curve, not a mistake. Look at life from different angles and you will learn different things.

This morning I watched a flock of 26 crowned cranes in mating season. The males look like they were dancing to the females. It was beautiful and not something you see every day. Other species fight over females but not them. It was peaceful dancing with wings wide open and lots of showing off.

 

[RenaldoRheeder]

Might have overreacted, will keep you guys posted. New shrink reckons I confuse space with rejection.....

It is easy to spiral into this

Sent by iDad's iPhone

 

[RenaldoRheeder]

Sorry to hear Renaldo. Relationships are hard. I think the secret to success in a relationship with another is having a good relationship with oneself. Another bit of golden advice which I have no idea how to do myself.

Yeah, fear of getting hurt has made me steer clear of getting involved for a long time, yet, I know this is not healthy. Its not natural and brings on its own set of problems. I guess one has to roll the dice and take ones chances. I am starting to realize that living "safe" is not much of a life at all. It's true what they say, better to have loved and lost that never having loved at all.

I'll shut up now.

Regards

You know where I started? I started "talking" to myself. One of the most important things in a relationship is to have conversations. Sometimes an issue becomes clearer when you write it down and read it later to "cement" detail into you head and understand. I am lazy, so I use an app to record it. Then I listen again later - after a week. I have learned more about myself and to understand myself. Adjust and become a better "friend" of myself.

So do not shut up - conversation is important

Sent by iDad's iPhone

 

[RainstormZA]

You know where I started? I started "talking" to myself. One of the most important things in a relationship is to have conversations. Sometimes an issue becomes clearer when you write it down and read it later to "cement" detail into you head and understand. I am lazy, so I use an app to record it. Then I listen again later - after a week. I have learned more about myself and to understand myself. Adjust and become a better "friend" of myself.

So do not shut up - conversation is important

Sent by iDad's iPhone

Lol and I talk to myself all the time...

 

[Faiyaz Cheulkar]

Lol and I talk to myself all the time...

Lol, me too. when I talked to myself while traveling in public transport or eating in a cafeteria etc, I used to get stares and smiles like a crazy person gets.
My wife and friends used to interrupt me and laugh at me.
I used to get embarrassed, but then I read an article from a psychologist that people who talk to themselves have a higher IQ and are deep thinkers.


Sent from aPhone

 

[RainstormZA]

Lol, me too. when I talked to myself while traveling in public transport or eating in a cafeteria etc, I used to get stares and smiles like a crazy person gets.
My wife and friends used to interrupt me and laugh at me.
I used to get embarrassed, but then I read an article from a psychologist that people who talk to themselves have a higher IQ and are deep thinkers.


Sent from aPhone

Heck lol I argue with myself and laugh at myself

 

[Moerse Rooikat]

You know where I started? I started "talking" to myself. One of the most important things in a relationship is to have conversations. Sometimes an issue becomes clearer when you write it down and read it later to "cement" detail into you head and understand. I am lazy, so I use an app to record it. Then I listen again later - after a week. I have learned more about myself and to understand myself. Adjust and become a better "friend" of myself.

So do not shut up - conversation is important

Sent by iDad's iPhone

The problem comes when you argue with yourself in public it makes my whife uncomfortable

 

[Christos]

The problem comes when you argue with yourself in public it makes my whife uncomfortable

How to avoid hawkers and sales people 101!

 

[Viper_SA]

Guys, and girls. If someone has been ignoring all your messages for a week, and refused to open the access gate at her workplace when you took her flowers, does that mean you're single? How do you get closure without and honest communication?

 

[Adephi]

Guys, and girls. If someone has been ignoring all your messages for a week, and refused to open the access gate at her workplace when you took her flowers, does that mean you're single? How do you get closure without and honest communication?

I think she has been sending you a message. Move on dude. There is much better things in life than to worry about one girl.

 

[Viper_SA]

 

[Viper_SA]

I think she has been sending you a message. Move on dude. There is much better things in life than to worry about one girl.

Not so easy when you really love someone and don't have closure....

 

[Viper_SA]

Will someone please add me back on the WhatsApp group

 

[Viper_SA]

Thanks for all the advice and sympathetic ears. I'll be back when I start vaping again. Hopefully soon. For now, I'm going dark. lol, I sound like a navy seal don't I. Going to lose myself in my music and other hobbies for a bit and regroup.

 

[Room Fogger]

Thanks for all the advice and sympathetic ears. I'll be back when I start vaping again. Hopefully soon. For now, I'm going dark. lol, I sound like a navy seal don't I. Going to lose myself in my music and other hobbies for a bit and regroup.

Do what you need to do to be able to come back, we will be missing your presence. Enjoy the music and the other hobbies and make it all about you, you need that. Don’t forget to forgive firstly yourself, and all those that may have contributed to your pain, then you carry no old baggage through life. Wishes for a speedy recovery and hoping to see you back here soon.

 

[Braki]

If someone told you that you are unprofessional and ludicrous and you had a hell of a fall out so that you were told stop being a nuisance. But you still feel that you want to fix the relationship and the person is not willing to listen.... What do you do? How do you move on? I'm broken. Not because what was said to me, but it came from someone who I truelly admired and had the worlds respect for. Now I'm worthless in this persons eyes. Yes maybe I made a mistake, I didnt even really have time to explain what was going on. How do you get someone to listen when they already made up their mind?

 

[Viper_SA]

If someone told you that you are unprofessional and ludicrous and you had a hell of a fall out so that you were told stop being a nuisance. But you still feel that you want to fix the relationship and the person is not willing to listen.... What do you do? How do you move on? I'm broken. Not because what was said to me, but it came from someone who I truelly admired and had the worlds respect for. Now I'm worthless in this persons eyes. Yes maybe I made a mistake, I didnt even really have time to explain what was going on. How do you get someone to listen when they already made up their mind?

Ending relationships without closure and face to face contact is a killer. Currently going through the same thing. I have no answers for you, but I can tell you what doesn't work: begging, pleading, drinking and self-pity. Best of luck feeling better soon.

 

[Room Fogger]

If someone told you that you are unprofessional and ludicrous and you had a hell of a fall out so that you were told stop being a nuisance. But you still feel that you want to fix the relationship and the person is not willing to listen.... What do you do? How do you move on? I'm broken. Not because what was said to me, but it came from someone who I truelly admired and had the worlds respect for. Now I'm worthless in this persons eyes. Yes maybe I made a mistake, I didnt even really have time to explain what was going on. How do you get someone to listen when they already made up their mind?

Hi @Braki , you first have to forgive yourself and the other person to get rid of the baggage. This will enable you to go on. You will only be broken, worthless and useless if you allow yourself to be that.

Unfortunately you cannot easily change someone else’s mind, maybe take a step back and allow some time for the other person to work through their anger. You will know when the time is right to re-establish contact, show them who the bigger person is and don’t dwell on the past, it’s the one thing nobody can change. Then look to the future and enjoy living life to its fullest.

Hope you will have a absolutely sparkling great and wonderful day!

 

[Room Fogger]

Ending relationships without closure and face to face contact is a killer. Currently going through the same thing. I have no answers for you, but I can tell you what doesn't work: begging, pleading, drinking and self-pity. Best of luck feeling better soon.

Hi @Viper_SA , good to see you again. Great advice for anyone, you are so right. Have a sparkling day!

 

[Raindance]

@Viper_SA , your response shows great growrh and progress. Encouraging to see. Keep it ip. @Braki, losing someone one cares for is losing part of yourself. It is ok to feel broken. Just keep in mind that it does not make you worthless or a failiure. Its a part of life and a law of nature that that which does not work will end in order to make room for something better.
Express your hurt, voice your anger. Get it out of your system so you can embrace the wonderfull oportunity you have been given to make a brand new start. Take no baggage allong, it wont be needed.

Regads

 

[Raindance]

Someone once made the statement that love is the way someone makes us feel about ourselves. Been pondering this statement.

By extension it implies that in a relationship love is the way two people make each other feel about themselves.

I guess this is why relationhips are such hard work. Keeping the other feeling good about themself even if you feel crappy about yourself.

Not undoable though. As long as the other party keeps up its end of the bargain. And we allow them to.

Regards

 

[Neuk]

Thanks for all the advice and sympathetic ears. I'll be back when I start vaping again. Hopefully soon. For now, I'm going dark. lol, I sound like a navy seal don't I. Going to lose myself in my music and other hobbies for a bit and regroup.

I hope that you are doing better bud I hope that you respond to my WhatsApp when you get a chance...

 

[Neuk]

If someone told you that you are unprofessional and ludicrous and you had a hell of a fall out so that you were told stop being a nuisance. But you still feel that you want to fix the relationship and the person is not willing to listen.... What do you do? How do you move on? I'm broken. Not because what was said to me, but it came from someone who I truelly admired and had the worlds respect for. Now I'm worthless in this persons eyes. Yes maybe I made a mistake, I didnt even really have time to explain what was going on. How do you get someone to listen when they already made up their mind?

This is a tough situation, simply put you have little control over what others experience/think/believe/ etc., all you can do is be the best you can be and hope that they appreciate it. As for explaining yourself when someone doesn't want to listen is sometimes impossible, you can send them some form of communication to explain your side but it is up to them to firstly read it, secondly to try and understand it and lastly to decide to respond or engage. If it were me, I would communicate my side of the story and then try let go as best I can, the rest is largely out of my hands and trying to make further contact could be misconstrued as being a nuisance. All the best, I know it isn't easy but we have to submit ourselves to forces greater than us at times, knowing that we did all that we could and that it is out of our hands...

 

[Neuk]

Someone once made the statement that love is the way someone makes us feel about ourselves. Been pondering this statement.

By extension it implies that in a relationship love is the way two people make each other feel about themselves.

I guess this is why relationhips are such hard work. Keeping the other feeling good about themself even if you feel crappy about yourself.

Not undoable though. As long as the other party keeps up its end of the bargain. And we allow them to.

Regards

This is so true and I can fully relate, my ex in one way or another made me feel grossly inadequate no matter how hard I tried or what I did, to please and interest her. My current makes me feel loved, worthwhile, more than adequate, etc. which has made a huge difference to my life and how I view myself. I will add though, that I have learnt that my self worth should not rely on what others think of me, easier said than done but true none the less...