And so it was writ...

[Hooked]

Questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is
the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

 

[DarthBranMuffin]

View attachment 230646

Tom Cruise named a car at last.... or was it ex president JZ?

 

[Grand Guru]

 

[Grand Guru]

 

[Grand Guru]

 

[Adephi]

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands... Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

 

[ARYANTO]

 

[Hooked]

I don't think I'll be trying this one.

 

[Hooked]

Puns and One-liners

- Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
- I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.
- I’ve been getting really claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

 

[ARYANTO]

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

Asking WHY makes you WHY-ser

WHY:
Why does a wine bottle have a dip at the bottom?

BECAUSE:
The dip at the bottom of the bottle is known as the punt or the kick-up. It helps the bottle stand on its own and gives it the strength to hold in sparkling wine.

 

[ARYANTO]

Asking WHY makes you WHY-ser

WHY:
Why does a wine bottle have a dip at the bottom?

BECAUSE:
The dip at the bottom of the bottle is known as the punt or the kick-up. It helps the bottle stand on its own and gives it the strength to hold in sparkling wine.

And if you are a good sommelier\waiter\host , you put your thumb in the punt - support the bottle with your other fingers and pour like that .

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

What mothers said:

Napoleon’s mother:
All right,Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.

Goldilocks’ mother:
I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this Goldie?

 

[Hooked]

 

[Hooked]

Questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

[Grand Guru]

 

[Hooked]

This dish is in the Beef section of the menu ... but is it beef or pork??

 

[Hooked]

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam-boat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.