The phrase "How are you?" ...

[LandyMan]

I never really thought about this much, but due to the very sudden and unfortunate death of a friend on Saturday morning, the phrase "How are you?" stuck with me?

What does it actually mean? Do we really actually care? The short of it is it means nothing, and we don't really care. Now you might think that I am bitter over happenings on Saturday, questioning everything and All, when in actual fact, I am pissed off with myself ... because we pretend, we say things because it seems appropriate, or not at all for that matter.

After receiving the news early Saturday, the house was up and ready to roll, to assist in any way possible - and thanks to the MvC crowd for your support!

Off we race to the other side of Pta, coolerbox and vape case in, because we know this is going to be rough.

On arrival, I see the deceased's brother ... and what are the first words out my mouth: "How are you?". Now it might seem like the appropriate thing to say but I don't think so. Immediately afterwards I think to myself: "You f@#$#cking retard, how do you think he is? He is torn apart, bleeding emotionally on the inside and you ask him how he is."

Thinking how stupid I was, and trying my best to not ask a dumbass question like that again, I walk up to the widow, and true as shit, I do it again: "How are you?". "FFS" I think to myself, "she lost her husband, her life partner, two children left without a father ... she is doing SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. Get with the program".

And so I start engaging with less and less people on the day, because for some stupid reason I know they are all in turmoil, but I keep asking how they were ... SHIT! We all know this.

And then it dawned on me, that asking a stupid question like that is so embedded into our interaction profile, that no matter what the situation or circumstances, and even the fact that we sometimes know the answer before asking we question, we will still ask "How are you?".

So from Saturday I decided to only ask people how they were doing, ONLY if I really wanted to know. If I don't really care, I will not ask, and if I know how they are, I will not ask.

Monday morning ramblings rule

 

[johan]

I am sincerely sorry about your loss of an obviously close buddy @LandyMan. Yip, harsh uncompromising naked realities hit us every time when confronted with life and death, and it forces all of us to take stock of our own lives in total, from the smallest insignificant thought right up to the most sacred spiritual "feeling". I assume that's just being human after all.

 

[Andre]

Yes, I echo @johan's sentiments, @LandyMan as I could not have expressed it better.

 

[Silver]

Sorry for your loss @LandyMan

I hear what you are saying about just blurting out phrases out of habit more than anything else.

But I will say that in that situation I don't think it matters what is said. It's that you were there and you cared. And that is what is remembered. After all, its the gestures and the non verbal cues (such as a hug) that communicate far more...

 

[shaunnadan]

@LandyMan my condolences to you and your friends family on their loss. if there is anything that you or the family needs then we here for you.

we have this involuntary compulsion to start off conversations with "how are you" its strange and we feel a social obligation to ask. there is a sense of awkwardness when you greet and that phrase is not exchanged.

no matter the situation, people find comfort in knowing that you are there and that's all that matters.

 

[SamuraiTheVapor]

I'm sorry for the loss.

I hope that everything is okay, and the family is doing alright.